I finally understand!

Something I have wondered about for 5 years since I lost Elizabeth was how her short life could possibly be considered a "test".  It has baffled me because we have learned our whole lives in church that we all came down here to "get a body and be tested", but I could not for the life of me figure out how you could be "tested" inside a womb and be done.  


And most people tried to answer my doubts by saying "she didn't need to be tested." But that makes NO sense whatsoever to me because if God didn't send those he knew would "pass" then why would any of the good people of the earth be here? And if she was going to be so perfect, why wouldn't he send her down so she could touch thousands of lives with her goodness and make the world a better place?


This is a question I thought would never be answered for me in this life.  I fully expected that this baffling concept would be the first thing I would ask when I died.


I did not expect to find the answer in the way I did last night... Talking to my sweet sister-in-law in my car for 3 hours.


She asked a simple question.  "What if her test was that she didn't get to experience life on earth like the rest of us?"


And the thoughts that followed her question felt like pure revelation from my Heavenly Father.  We know we all rejoiced when the plan was presented, and we were all super excited to come down here and receive a body.  What if Elizabeth was one of the MOST excited of all to experience earth-life with a body?  Wouldn't that be an incredibly hard blow to find out her test was to not be given that opportunity?


Do you remember that movie "Saturday's Warrior" where one of the girls has a huge passion for dancing, and is most excited about going to earth so she can dance her life away... and then she ends up being in a wheel chair her whole life?  Wasn't that the perfect "test" for her because she was denied what she wanted most?


Take me for example.  I have felt homesick for heaven my entire life, which has brought a lot of depression with it, and always a desire to just "go home".  I wouldn't be surprised if my test is to live to 100 years old just because I want to go home to heaven so badly.
Don't we always want most what we can't have?  And wouldn't the perfect test be one which denied us of something we wanted the most?


The dots of understanding all came together in my head last night like I have experienced few times in my life.


We all have this little box of rules we think God is governed by, and when something doesn't fit inside our box we get really confused and upset, and can't figure out why.  Last night I found an idea that lies completely outside of that box, and I realized that I have such a narrow understanding of the universe.  And I've been trying to answer all of my questions with what I have inside this tiny box of rules, but the answers aren't inside that box.  They are so far out of our mortal minds that we can only find them through those precious moments of inspiration where He graciously pours the knowledge into us, and it just makes perfect sense.


I now understand that Elizabeth's test was that she didnt' get to experience life as we know it.  She didn't get to taste sweet food, or feel the wind in her face.  She didn't experience the exhilaration of learning new things, or accomplishing something great.  She never got to feel a hot shower pouring over her head, or run through rain in a thunderstorm.  To remain faithful and patient under such a huge denial is an incredible test indeed.  And I can't wait till she is rewarded with her chance to experience life in the resurrection. 


This is the new meaning of Easter for me.  What an incredible gift our Savior has offered us.  I have no words to convey my gratitude for that gift, and the answer I received to a question I thought I would never understand.