Baby

I helped create a central nervous system today.  How about you? ;)

I've known about this little one growing inside me for way too long to only be 6 weeks along right now, and it's never been easy for me to keep a secret this long.  Of course because of my past miscarriages, I don't like telling people for fear of losing the baby later, but every time I've had an early miscarriage in the past I never got morning sickness.  So it's always a good indicator when I'm nauseous as heck that this one is sticking. :)

I literally knew I was pregnant the day we conceived. (And sort of planned the event because I had a hunch it was time...)  And the very next day my boobs already felt heavy and sore.  I've never really had this sign before, but it was obvious, and I just knew I was pregnant.  I got a few dollar store pregnancy tests and took a test WAY before it should have showed up positive, and after a while a very faint line showed up.

A few days later, I took another test and the line showed up pretty quickly.  Still it was way too early for that line to be showing up, which was a good indicator that I have some seriously high HCG levels.... and after looking online about really early pregnancy signs and high HCG levels, I started to wonder if it might be twins.

Of course seeing two lines on a pregnancy test is always surreal for me.  It's always a guessing game whether or not I will stay pregnant, and every time I go to the bathroom I check for blood.  Really.  I even kept my extra pregnancy test around in case we need to try again.  I just assume it will be over soon.

Untill I got sick.  It started very mildly last Sunday, and has gradually gotten worse this week.  I think it's starting to sink in that this is really happening, and I'm feeling a range of emotions from fear & worry, to excitement.

Pregnancy is like an old enemy that brings me a priceless gift, but treats me like crap.  She makes me physically ill and uncomfortable.  I felt like sleeping on the toilet last night because I kept getting the urge to pee every time I went back to bed.  I much prefer waking up to a newborn all night than being pregnant and waking up feeling uncomfortable all night.  If I could fast forward this thing to the end, I would totally do it.  I'm sure every woman would.

We told the children there is a tiny baby growing inside mommy, and let them watch this video from babycenter.
http://www.babycenter.com/2_inside-pregnancy-weeks-1-to-9_10302602.bc

The pregnancy dreams are always CRAZY out of control too.  Nearly every night there's some sexually charged dream, and more often than not I'm cheating on John with some random stranger (man OR woman)... and wake up thinking what the heck? Where are these coming from?  It's ok. John knows I'm crazy.

So, now we just have a very long time to go.  Isaac thinks we should name "her" Emily, and he cannot remember where he got that name from.  Maybe it was inspired?  But at the same time, he wants it to be a boy, and he does not know what name we would use for a boy.  Maybe we'll get one of each ;)  I always said after losing Elizabeth I'd have to have twins to make up for my pregnancy to living children ratio.  But now it's all very overwhelming, and I just try not to think about it.